Is 50 Too Late to Start Again?

And here I am…… what a journey it has been, but I’m back and I remember. I remember why. For, as blue as the ocean is in other places, as white as the beaches are in other places…..other places just aren’t Hedland. So I’m back.
First day back and the weather is ominous at best. It’s Dad’s birthday ……our 5th year without that amazing man!!! Soooo….yep, you got it! I head to the beach. The great thing about Hedland is….it can be pissing down rain but you still wanna stroll along the beach- combing for goodies. Appreciating the little things. Feeling the rain in your face and revelling in the fact you’re not freezing your arse off!!!
I’m not sure if it’s something I’ve heard along the way and adopted as my own or whether in some demented moment I decided it was a ‘thing’, but nonetheless, whatever it was, I convinced myself you should never go back. Don’t return to live in places you left. Never backtrack. You left for a reason right? And what the hell is it about Hedland that makes you want to come back anyway? My brother sure could never understand it 😆. Sorry Steve, as confusing as it may seem, there is something alluring about this end of the state 😍. People argue that it isn’t picturesque-I disagree. I find it phenomenally beautiful. The people are amazing and I’ve always said I think it’s because of the isolation we forge family bonds with friends-strangers even. And interesting!! A storyteller could find material up here to last a lifetime. When it’s all said and done though, none of the above are solely responsible for the Pilbara’s seduction of my heart.
My walk along the beach brought clarity. I think at a time when I was lost and had no direction I stumbled into the Pilbara clutching to life by a thread (by stumbled- I mean dragged by the hair by Juli Coffin 🤣🤣). Whatever the reason that brought me here all those years ago…..it was where I found my inner strength. I became a better me because I had to. There’s no room in the Pilbara for piss weak Princesses!! My kids and I became a part of this community and together we faced, and conquered, so many hurdles.
I learnt real quick to pull on my big girl pants (and later to fill them to capacity!) and get the fuck on with living.
So, today, on the Ninth day of the Second month in TwentySeventeen,img_8478

I say Happy Birthday to my beautiful Dad, I say farewell (for now) to my amazing Mum and family, I gulp back tears as I leave 4 of my kids and their partners and foremost I wonder how I will go not seeing my 7 adorable grandchildren regularly. I think of friends in Geraldton and with fresh rain drops on my face, I step into the next chapter of my life. I hope to find the same fortitude I found years ago so I may embrace whatever lies ahead.
Wish me well
Love you 40-leven
Deb
X
ps….this is my first attempt at ‘blogging’ (if that’s what this is???). If it is, once I get the hang of it, it should be a piece of piss. Pretty much just having a yarn right? How hard can it be? I’m sure I’ll find out 😆. Any and all advice gratefully appreciated! My inner strength, thus far, has not conquered the crying scared little girl that hides inside this mammoth carcass…..SO BE GENTLE!!! If you are, by nature, a negative fucker……..kindly take yourself somewhere else and leave your derogatory remarks 👍🏼👍🏼 Constructive feedback VERY welcome-just not negative shit. xxxxxxxxxx

Featured post

Ang-zi-etty

Anxiety ……You tell yourself you’re ok. You nervously talk about your angst and outwardly face your demons……are you ok? How much talking do you think until you erase those ‘things’? Those little things that are no longer a threat, yet, are? Can they be counselled away? And if they are, how long before they’re replaced?
That seed in your gut that seems to grow roots deeper than you could imagine and spreads vine-like through your veins…..

The tiny voice in your head that contradicts the words flowing across your tongue and spilling into the ears of anyone prepared to listen….

That wild brumby in your chest thrashing around determined not to be tamed……

The tiny beads of moisture seeping from beneath your flesh threatening to pool on your skin….

Your breath…shallow and fast….I am breathing? Right? Anxiety….

If you allow it……it will strip your confidence and bring you trembling to your knees……. Christian Grey style-50 Shades of Shattered Nerves!

Find the strength to heal!!!

One of my spiritual journeys….Bali, 2016

 

Shelly Towns-Energetic Freedom “Live, Laugh & Love“! Highly recommend this lady! She’s amazing!!!

Bloom…a photo challenge

Mine is not so much a blooming story……just a deep appreciation of nature and all it’s glory, and an opportunity to share. This particular shot was taken in Kings Park, Western Australia, using an iPhone6.

Who is the face behind 40-leven Reasons?

I have a busy head. My life reflects my headspace….busy, unorganised, cluttered, spontaneous, fun and very deep. It is the Bermuda Triangle of my existence. I don’t know if it’s my way of trying to grow up or whether I actually want to share some of the shit from inside my head? Some of it is bloody hilarious!!!  I often laugh out loud at my own internal conversations. I get me. I think I’m funny. I know I have a good heart. Still…….. there seems to be a hole. Maybe blogging is my way of getting it all out of my head to clear it a little? I don’t know. I do know I feel I am going to love this journey ……..once I know what I’m doing!

Which leads me to “BloggingU” ….. by all accounts it seems to be a tool for virgin Bloggers! Mother Theresa I am not…..Virgin Blogger I am! 😇

Welcome to assignment Number 1!

There are no guarantees what you will find when you visit. I envisage my blog reflecting my head-a Kinder Surprise of sorts….a lucky dip. I never know what my next thought pattern will be, likewise, who knows what you’ll find next time you visit 40levenreasons. Geographically/physically/spiritually, I am both an enigma and an open book…..to learn more about me…..follow my journey 💋💋

Love you 40-leven

Deb

X

Doubt….from the apron strings of a mother 💋

This is not only a late entry….but an unfinished one. I hope you’ll forgive me 🙏 I like to think of it as a work in progress….. I don’t know when I’ll finish it because it hasn’t occurred to me what it needs….

These doubts are on the minds of millions of Mothers…..unanswered queries xx

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G’Day Casino

G’Day casino

G’Day Casino……Well for those who know me….my Mum and I have had those words spill over our tongue many a time! We have a love hate relationship with the casino….we love to go and we hate to leave!!!! For the purpose of this blog, however, those words leave a bitter taste in my mouth. Please let me start by being completely up front from the get go….this is not to point blame or ridicule….it is merely my recollection of an unfortunate incident…..a rant, if you will.

So…. the beginning…. Actually, for those who know me and are thinking, “oh f*#k, here we go again”, I will give a relatively short intro to myself (yes Leisa-I’m doing it!).

We all have our path through life. Some, lucky buggers, seem to have a paving truck just up ahead of them and travel a privileged journey. Others, like myself, fell off that track along the way and stumbled through some rough terrain hoping to come out the other end and find that paved road once again. It is the climb back up to that road that led me back to Hedland and to this story…….(grab yourself a cuppa-the short part of my story is over-the rest is bound to drag on!)

Due to limited funds, and , if truth be told, a desire to squeeze back into a size 12, I have cut back on drinking and excessive socialising. I, therefore, recently found myself relaxing out the back after doing some gardening and flicking through my phone…..don’t say it!!!!! I am well aware my phone seems to feel more like an extension of my hands lately. Anyway, while scrolling I remember having a little flutter on an online casino a couple of years ago. I deposited $50 and it lasted almost 12 months. I had loads of fun and was able to escape the day to day monotony and grind of my life. I could imagine I was sitting up at the casino alongside Mum and just ‘being’. Forgetting the harassing phone calls and the familiar sounds of my debt collector friends. Appreciating that I wasn’t out in the heat and the flies working ridiculous hours away from family….just for that moment anyway. Just ‘being’. So, when I remembered this the other day I found myself googling online casino sites. I knew before I started scrolling I was going to deposit $50-it was just a matter of which casino. I knew, also, that I couldn’t afford it. It was an extravagance I could ill afford but I had already justified it in my head. I read through the draw cards of a few before going back to the first site that had caught my eye….. G’day Casino. Finally my heading is making sense right? G’day Casino….sounded just like it was calling me, so I joined. They were offering a 100% deposit match welcome bonus!!! Deposit $50 & start playing with $100 right? Sounded too good to be true!!!!!!! On the 24th Feb I joined and started playing. Yep, sure enough they doubled my $50 deposit! I have since had reason to scan over my transaction history…..it spans over more than 750 pages!!!! It’s fair to say I had some fun along the way. Incredibly the balance dropped to below $2 on many occasions and I remember thinking ‘this is it’ quite often, only to have little wins keeping me alive. I lay in bed one night thinking, “I have less than $25….May as well flutter that into the abyss and get back to the real world for a bit. My balance was at $26.21 and my little iPhone started singing!!!!!! It went crazy!!!!! The numbers on my balance kept going up, up, up!!! Man, I was smiling so hard I almost burst!!! I couldn’t believe it!!! Luck like that just doesn’t ever seem to knock on my door and here it was bashing that bloody door down!!! When the figure finally stopped escalating, my new and much shinier balance read $1,306.21 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was thanking every God there ever was!!!!!! Now…….since I have previously admitted to having a slight addiction to a quiet flutter, I naturally carried on pressing those little ‘spin’ buttons!!! I was having a ball!!! Over the next few days I watched my balance see-saw up and down. I lay in bed thinking one night about how many people helped me out when I was at rock bottom. Through the years there have just been so many!!! Recently my two girls lent me money to make the move to Hedland to start fresh……as much fun as I was having, I knew the right thing to do was to withdraw the money and repay them. I felt as though the Universe had given me this gift to help me get back on my feet. I would be lying to you and kidding myself if I didn’t admit I kept a little in the account for a flutter and, if I’m honest, I knew once I had paid off my debt and was on my feet….a little ‘spending’ money at Gday Casino might actually become a part of my regular budget. I withdrew $1,000 and left myself $170 to play with. I rang my daughters and told them I would be paying them both back everything I owed them over the next week or so. I told them about my little windfall and they were ecstatic for me! My life really was taking a turn for the better! The universe was smiling down on me and giving me a helping hand. There was a lightness in my step and I felt like a weight had been lifted. My new hero was Gday Casino! Who would’ve thought??? So…………… knowing I had bumped my balance up to just over $200, last night I settled in for a quiet flutter before bed. The balance dipped and soared and I was once again engulfed in my little bubble of escapism. I stopped only to engage in small talk with Nathan, my son, and to make a cuppa. After settling back in with my cuppa I noticed my balance was at $50? I logged out and back in again…still $50? While pondering the possible reasons for this, an email alert popped up on my phone from Gday Casino. Ah ha…..clearly some technical hiccup they are telling me about…… I opened the email to find this………
gday-casI felt the wind being knocked out of my sails and I was dumbfounded. So many questions flooded through my head!!!! Is this a mistake? Why would they let me play so long and say nothing? How is it even possible to receive a bonus if you’re not entitled to it? Why give it to me? Is this a bad joke? Surely if I’m not entitled to the bonus you don’t give it to me? And at what point during the 750+ pages of transactions of money going to and fro did the money become theirs and not mine? At what point can you say that I stopped playing with the bonus money? Take the bonus back. My head was reeling!!!! I called my girls and said sorry….back to plan A…. I will slowly pay you back as I can. While texting backwards and forwards another email came through from Gday Casino…… maybe it was a mistake after all. Nope!!!!! After pulling the carpet from beneath my feet, these pricks send me an email offering me a fricking bonus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m not sure who they employ at Gday Casino but their sense of humour is pretty f*#ked up!!!

Their IT department needs an overhaul-find someone who can program your site to REJECT bonuses which are not going to be honoured!!!!!! Their public relations department is non existent …..who the hell tells someone -sorry for the inconvenience of giving you false hopes by allowing you a bonus you aren’t entitled to, but oh, after we take that one off you we can fix you up with another!!!! WTF??? Eat a dick! Phew…..rant over!!!! For those of you I didn’t lose along the way, those stayers that read my whole tirade….thanks for allowing me to vent! Will I stop having a flutter? Has this taught me not to indulge in online slots? Nope…I loved it, but I can say this……Seeya Gday Casino. I will stick with Bingo Cabin. I have had so much more luck with them. At least if I have an honest win….I receive an honest payout! #gdaycasinoreview #bingocabinhereicome

Parlay ….

To you all……

read the fine print.

Luv you 40-leven

Deb X

Awareness…Live it xxx

Awareness

Feel it……the warm air softly escaping through your nostrils

Hear it…….the gentle rhythmic tapping of your heart beating inside your chest

See it …….the innocence of children at play

Smell it …..the musky dampness of fresh raindrops on dry soil

Taste it ……the sweet, sweet taste of Awareness


Believe it-achieve it

Love it-embrace it

xxxxxx

via Daily Prompt: Aware

Lukewarm

Sooooo…… I read somewhere I can link my blog to someone else’s? It’s called ‘pingback’. Yep. I’ve never relied on Mr Google so much in my life!!!!!! The challenge is to respond to a one-word prompt. Then HOPE that you’ve successfully done that pingback thing…..otherwise it’s just gonna look to your followers like you’re randomly just dribbling. From what I gather-anything goes. So here goes anything….Just write, right? Take the words from inside my head and throw them onto the page for the world to see how truly weird your mind is?? Sounds good to me….

Lukewarm

That stage in your life when you just ‘be’. Possibly not because you’re content, possibly not because you’re discontent….. you’re just that-lukewarm.

No rollercoaster rides through life. No wind in your hair and sun on your face as you greet life’s next moment head on. 

You’re just existing…..

You’ve plateaued on the trail to contentment……

You’re lukewarm Goldilocks & lukewarm is only one step away from cold…… Winter is coming ❄️ reignite your spark and heat that baby up. Let’s get you hot…smoking hot x

via Daily Prompt: Lukewarm

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